i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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