Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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