that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize