I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize