he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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