Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My balls are so social today.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
