somebody snuck up and got me drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
