Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
