Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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