You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
