do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
