I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
