it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
