sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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