I think my fart just growled at me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am one with the molecules
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
