GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
