dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
