Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
