i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
