and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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