38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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