i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
