when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
