I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
