Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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