If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
