I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
