I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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