So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
