I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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