she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
