he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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