the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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