I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
