Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
