think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The beer is more important than you right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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