I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
