what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
