Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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