Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
