My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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