i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
