Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
