it hurts more in the daytime
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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