I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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