You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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