i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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