if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize