We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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