Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize