just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
