so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
