the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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