Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
