We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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