He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
