i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
