Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
