she was so not down for the gang bang
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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