Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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