yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
