just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
