dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
