she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
