guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
