Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
