On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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