She is in my trunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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