It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
