I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
